After lengthy contract negotiations, and careful consideration, the West Virginia men's basketball team has added the D-Man to what was already an impressive basketball team.
Seeking "superior interior defense" and "impeccable shot blocking skills" for the front line, the Mountaineers have added the perpetual Defender of the Week after SKLZ Team Members became fed up with the D-Man's "mobility resembling a statue" and "lack of personality or facial expressions."
"The D-Man is still the #1 Portable Defender in the league," said SKLZ CEO John Sarkisian. "But his insistence on just standing around, unwillingness to speak up, and scrawny leg were not consistent with what we expect from SKLZ Team Members. We have other basketball traning aids that will step it up. We see a lot of potential in the Rapid Fire's ability to help us perform better--actually, all it does is help, it is one dimensional in that regard."
Other SKLZ Team Members are equally as happy to see the D-Man leave, "Good riddance. He owned me. All he ever did was just stand there, block my wastebasket shots, and make me go around him whenever I left my cubicle, and he refused to talk smack" said one SKLZ Team Member who prefers to remain anonymous.